Doctor Doctor !!

 Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money 
 * Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning

 Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door! 
 * Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is there no hope? 
 * It depends what you are hoping for

Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid 
* Nonsense man, you can stop anytime

Doctor doctor, I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me 
* Why not? 
   Well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine

Doctor doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye 
* Try taking the spoon out first

 Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep. 
* Oh that's very baaaaaaaad!

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains 
* Pull yourselves together man

Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses 
* You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell? 
* Hmm, take these and if it's not better soon, give me a ring!

Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar? 
* I find that very hard to believe!

 Doctor doctor, they've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers 
* Don't worry, what you have is not catching

Doctor doctor, people keep ignoring me . . . 
* Next please

Doctor doctor, I've got acute appendicitis 
• You've got a cute little dimple too

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live 
* Just wait a minute will you . . .

Doctor doctor, I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit... 
* You're crackers

Doctor, doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake 
* Sleep in another room then!

Doctor, doctor you've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! 
* Do you drink a lot? 
   Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, doctor my nose runs and my feet smell
* I fear you might have been built upside down

Doctor, doctor I've broken my arm in two places
* Hmm, I'd advise you not to go back to either of those places then

Doctor doctor you said i'd be dead in ten - ten what? years? months?
* 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...

Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Father Christmas
* You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia

Doctor doctor I keep seeing spots before my eyes
* Have you seen a doctor already?
   No, just spots

Doctor doctor I can't help it, I just keep thinking I'm a moth
* You need a psychiatrist not a doctor
    I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was on..

Doctor, Doctor - I've got amnesia
* Just go home and try to forget about it...

Doctor, Doctor - you have to help me out...
* Certainly. Which way did you come in?

Doctor, Doctor - Aaa, Eee, I, oooh! You...
* I think you may have irrtitable vowel syndrome..