Politician Jokes

                      


How to Start Each Day With a Positive Outlook

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it "George W. Bush."
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid
of "George W. Bush?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better?
.
PS: Tomorrow we'll do Dick Cheney...


Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:
They should both be changed regularly
and for the same reason.






If con is the opposite of pro,
Then is Congress the opposite of progress?


        
             Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.



Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Senator.



Why don't you ever hear about burglars robbing politicians?
Professional courtesy.



How can you tell when a politician is lying?
His lips are moving.



        
          A seedy-looking man was sitting in the first row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a lengthy speech.
Finally the mayor pointed to the heckler and said, "Will that gentleman who differs with me please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city?"
"Well, Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."


           A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."
The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."



           A polititian is late to the meeting. He drives his car inti parking, but couldn't find a place to park a car. Then he raises his eyes to heaven and asks God:
-Please help me to find a place. If you help me, I promise I'll go to church every Sunday and quit drinking.
Then, sudenlly, he notice a free place for a car. He raises again his eyes to heaven:
-I have found by myself and don't need your help anymore...
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