Facts About Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once played Uncharted.... on a Commodore 64

• When Chuck Norris is in the forrest, Bears play dead

• There are two types of people on earth: Chuck Norris and his victims.

• Chuck Norris does not use an umbrella. Raindrops dodge him.

• You can't swim in the same river twice according to dialectic logic, Chuck Norris can...

• Chuck Norris doesn’t own a stove; water comes to a boil while he watches the pot filling.

• Chuck Norris didn't like his Twinkie, so he put Hostess out of business.

• When the Wright Brothers made their first flight in 1903, Chuck Norris flew to Kitty Hawk in his jet plane to congratulate them.

• Chuck Norris didn't shave his beard. It went on an undercover mission.

• Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal

• When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

• Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

• Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

• Thre used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

• Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

• Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

• If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

• Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

• Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

• Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

• Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

• Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

• Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

• Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

• Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

• Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

• Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

• Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

• The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

• Chuck Norris is the best golfer in the world. He can make a hole in zero. The golf ball rolls to the hole to hide.

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

• Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

• Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.

• Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork..... while it's raining