A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows... "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.
Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together....the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Once a blonde decided to go ice fishing. She grabbed all her equipment and put on her fishing outfit.. She walked out onto the icy surface and found a good spot. She took a knife and made a large circle in the ice with it.
"NO! Not there! You will find no fish!" a booming voice announced out of nowhere. So the blonde moved a few feet away and made another circle. "NO!! Not there either!!" The voice boomed again. The blonde moved a third time, making another circle on the ice.
"I said, NO!! There is no fish there!!" The voice boomed again.
"Is that you, God?" The blonde called out.
"NO!!" The voice boomed. "It's the manager of the ice rink!!"
Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.
Q. How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday?
A. Tell it to her on Tuesday.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde had just robbed a bank and they were trying to escape from the cops. They ran down an alley and saw three huge potato sacks. They hopped inside just in time, and the cops didn't see them. Puzzled, the cops looked at the bags suspiciously. One cop kicked the brunette's bag, she meowed, and the cop thought nothing of it. He then kicked the redhead's bag, she made a clanking noise with her shoes, and the cop thought it was just some garbage. Then he moved on to the blonde's bag. He kicked it and she said "Potatoes!"
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk down a beach when suddenly the brunette discovers a magic lamp. The brunette rubs the lamp and POOF! a magic genie appears. The genie tells the girls that he will grant them three wishes, so each girl will have a turn. The redhead goes first and tells the genie that she's always been really smart and she is sick of being teased, so she asks the genie to make her just semi-smart. Suddenly the redhead is turned into a brunette.
Next, the brunette takes her turn. She tells the genie that she has always just been sort of smart and she wants to be really smart. Suddenly the brunette becomes a redhead.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. She thinks for a minute and then tells the genie that she's always been dumb and she's tired of being dumb. The blonde says that she wants to be really dumb. Suddenly, the blonde becomes a man!
Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first."
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run like hell - she's got a grenade in her mouth!
One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and turned off the merry-go-round.
A blonde was riding in the back of a pick-up truck when the truck went off the road and went into a pond. Some neighbors came out to see what happened and waited for the blonde to come out of the water. When she finally did, the neighbors asked her what took her so long. She replied, "I couldn't get the tail-gate unlocked."
A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.
Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?
A. Artificial intelligence.
There's a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, "Sure." So the two jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly, the brunette jumps onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette goes back into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58, 58, 58."
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.
Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue!
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