2 Boys were follwing 2 Girls
.
Each girl took rakhi & tied 2 their hands & askd them "what wil u do now?"
.
Boys: Dude, U marry my sister, I'l marry Ur sister..;)
----------------------------
Santa eats viagra daily.
Banta:U don't have a wife or girlfreind then y u eat viagra daily?
Santa:Bas aise hi,underwear me ronak bani rahti hai
----------------------------
Pati ne Biwi ko sms kiya-
'Thanks for making my life wonderful & being a part of my life. You're great.'
----------------------------
Biwi ka jawaab aaya-
'Kitne peg ho gaye?'
----------------------------
Age of drinks:....
1-3: milk
03_08: cerelac
09-13: horlicks
14-25: beer
26-40: whisky
41-60: scotch
60-80: glucose
after 70 any time....GANGA JAL...
----------------------------
Breaking news: Ek bacche ne Idea cellular ki
advertisement dekh kar apne parents ka mobile
inter-change kar diya.......Next week they filed for
divorce... ;).. Aage bhi he
----------------------------
Now New punch line :-
Idea can not only change your life
It also help you to change your wife....
----------------------------
They say shitting is a call of nature.
Does that mean farting is a missed call?
----------------------------
Every wife is a 'Mistress for her husband.....
'Miss for one hour& 'Stress for the rest 23 hours.
----------------------------
Nobody move!
I just lost my damn mind.
----------------------------
A failed businessman to his fat wife:
You are my only investment in life that doubled.
----------------------------
Everyone has the right to be stupid......
It's just that some people abuse the privilege.
----------------------------
You know how when your appliance is malfunctioning, you smack it with your hand and then it is all good again? Too bad we can't do that to people.
----------------------------
SIX GOLDEN RULES FOR F***ING !
.
.
.
.
.
1) F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it is harmful if done everyday
2) F***ing relaxes your mind & body
3) F***ing refreshes you
4) After F***ing don't eat too much go for more liquids
5)Try F***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy
6) F***ing can reduce your cholesterol level
So remember "FASTING" is good during Shravan and also for your health.
GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MIND..
----------------------------
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
----------------------------
I'm famous
.
.
.
.
My whole family knows me
----------------------------
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
----------------------------
Laughter is the best medicine.
Unless you're laughing for no reason.....then you need medicine.
----------------------------
Things to do today:
1. Get up
2. Survive
3. Go back to bed
----------------------------
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
None, they just sit in the dark and bitch about it.
----------------------------
Not to get technical....
.
.
.
But accordind to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
----------------------------
I'm wonder woman
.
I wonder where I left my keys,
I wonder how I put on weight,
I wonder where my money went,
I wonder where I put my phone,
I often wonder why I wonder.....
----------------------------
Wife to husband: 'You certainly made a fool of yourself last night.
I just hope nobody realized you were sober.'
----------------------------
The old couple next door are having a 'Football Romance',
Each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
----------------------------
Judge : Why did u attack d young man?
Old lady(:-D)
: He grabbed me, took off my clothes, threw me on d bed, jumped on me n shouted....
APRIL FOOL !!!
----------------------------
Little Johnny goes to school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says: Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. Remember, my name has an "r" after the first letter.
The class says,"Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the teacher asks Little Johnny what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher: I remember it has an "r" after the first letter.
"That's right!" she coaxed.
After a few seconds Little Johnny says: ''Mrs. CRUNT...?''
----------------------------
I heard internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it.
I'm only going if there's Wi-Fi.
----------------------------
What's the best example of "once in a lifetime opportunity?"
.
..
...
A mosquito sitting on your spouse's face.
----------------------------
HiNDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS
--Jiya jale jaan jale, raat bhar dhuan chale.............FEVER
--Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi........HEART ATTACK
--Suhani raat dhal chuki, na jaane tum kab aaoge........CONSTIPATION
--Bidi jaiayle jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag hai.......ACIDITY
--Tujhme rab dikhta hai yara main kya karoon........CATARACT
--Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna....ALZHEIMER'S
--Mann dole mera tann dole..................VERTIGO
--Tip tip barsa paani paani ne aag lagaee......URINARY INFECTION
--Dil dhadak dhadak ke keh raha hai.........HYPERTENSION
--Aaj kal paaon zameen par nahi padte mere.......CORN
--Haay re haay neend nahi aaye..........INSOMNIA
--Batana bhi nahi aata, chhupana bhi nahi aata.......PILES
--Lagi aaj sawan ki phir woh jhadi hai.......LOOSE MOTIONS!!
----------------------------
A Gujju lady visited a bar for the first time,
she sat on the table in front of d bartender;
.
A guy on her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"
A guy on her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single "
D bartender looked at d lady, said ,"Nd u?"
Lady replied," Puspa Patel, Married.
----------------------------
It's true money cn't buy happiness, but I'd cheer up much faster while sitting poolside in a loungechair outsideof my Oceanfront mansion.
----------------------------
Maths questn:
.
'x' married 'z' twice his age,
left her &
now married 'y' 1/2 his age.
.
Wat's the age of 'x'?
.
Student wrote: I don't know the answer, but ' x ' is surely
SAIF ALI KHAN !!
----------------------------
1 car ki nilami ho rhi thi. Boli lagi ......
15 lakh
20 lakh
40 lakh
Husband: Is khataare à!me aisa kya hai?
Seller: Iske 23 accident hue hai, har bar sirf biwi mari hai.
Husband: 1crore........!!!!
----------------------------
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
----------------------------
Two children were waiting in the doctor's waiting room. The little girl started crying.
Little boy asked her: Why r u crying?
little girl: I'm here for blood test and the doctor is going to cut my finger.
The little boy started to cry.
Girl: Now why r u crying?
Boy: I'm here for the urine test.
.
Each girl took rakhi & tied 2 their hands & askd them "what wil u do now?"
.
Boys: Dude, U marry my sister, I'l marry Ur sister..;)
----------------------------
Santa eats viagra daily.
Banta:U don't have a wife or girlfreind then y u eat viagra daily?
Santa:Bas aise hi,underwear me ronak bani rahti hai
----------------------------
Pati ne Biwi ko sms kiya-
'Thanks for making my life wonderful & being a part of my life. You're great.'
----------------------------
Biwi ka jawaab aaya-
'Kitne peg ho gaye?'
----------------------------
Age of drinks:....
1-3: milk
03_08: cerelac
09-13: horlicks
14-25: beer
26-40: whisky
41-60: scotch
60-80: glucose
after 70 any time....GANGA JAL...
----------------------------
Breaking news: Ek bacche ne Idea cellular ki
advertisement dekh kar apne parents ka mobile
inter-change kar diya.......Next week they filed for
divorce... ;).. Aage bhi he
----------------------------
Now New punch line :-
Idea can not only change your life
It also help you to change your wife....
----------------------------
They say shitting is a call of nature.
Does that mean farting is a missed call?
----------------------------
Every wife is a 'Mistress for her husband.....
'Miss for one hour& 'Stress for the rest 23 hours.
----------------------------
Nobody move!
I just lost my damn mind.
----------------------------
A failed businessman to his fat wife:
You are my only investment in life that doubled.
----------------------------
Everyone has the right to be stupid......
It's just that some people abuse the privilege.
----------------------------
You know how when your appliance is malfunctioning, you smack it with your hand and then it is all good again? Too bad we can't do that to people.
----------------------------
SIX GOLDEN RULES FOR F***ING !
.
.
.
.
.
1) F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it is harmful if done everyday
2) F***ing relaxes your mind & body
3) F***ing refreshes you
4) After F***ing don't eat too much go for more liquids
5)Try F***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy
6) F***ing can reduce your cholesterol level
So remember "FASTING" is good during Shravan and also for your health.
GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MIND..
----------------------------
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
----------------------------
I'm famous
.
.
.
.
My whole family knows me
----------------------------
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
----------------------------
Laughter is the best medicine.
Unless you're laughing for no reason.....then you need medicine.
----------------------------
Things to do today:
1. Get up
2. Survive
3. Go back to bed
----------------------------
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
None, they just sit in the dark and bitch about it.
----------------------------
Not to get technical....
.
.
.
But accordind to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
----------------------------
I'm wonder woman
.
I wonder where I left my keys,
I wonder how I put on weight,
I wonder where my money went,
I wonder where I put my phone,
I often wonder why I wonder.....
----------------------------
Wife to husband: 'You certainly made a fool of yourself last night.
I just hope nobody realized you were sober.'
----------------------------
The old couple next door are having a 'Football Romance',
Each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
----------------------------
Judge : Why did u attack d young man?
Old lady(:-D)
: He grabbed me, took off my clothes, threw me on d bed, jumped on me n shouted....
APRIL FOOL !!!
----------------------------
Little Johnny goes to school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says: Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. Remember, my name has an "r" after the first letter.
The class says,"Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the teacher asks Little Johnny what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher: I remember it has an "r" after the first letter.
"That's right!" she coaxed.
After a few seconds Little Johnny says: ''Mrs. CRUNT...?''
----------------------------
I heard internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it.
I'm only going if there's Wi-Fi.
----------------------------
What's the best example of "once in a lifetime opportunity?"
.
..
...
A mosquito sitting on your spouse's face.
----------------------------
HiNDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS
--Jiya jale jaan jale, raat bhar dhuan chale.............FEVER
--Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi........HEART ATTACK
--Suhani raat dhal chuki, na jaane tum kab aaoge........CONSTIPATION
--Bidi jaiayle jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag hai.......ACIDITY
--Tujhme rab dikhta hai yara main kya karoon........CATARACT
--Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna....ALZHEIMER'S
--Mann dole mera tann dole..................VERTIGO
--Tip tip barsa paani paani ne aag lagaee......URINARY INFECTION
--Dil dhadak dhadak ke keh raha hai.........HYPERTENSION
--Aaj kal paaon zameen par nahi padte mere.......CORN
--Haay re haay neend nahi aaye..........INSOMNIA
--Batana bhi nahi aata, chhupana bhi nahi aata.......PILES
--Lagi aaj sawan ki phir woh jhadi hai.......LOOSE MOTIONS!!
----------------------------
A Gujju lady visited a bar for the first time,
she sat on the table in front of d bartender;
.
A guy on her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"
A guy on her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single "
D bartender looked at d lady, said ,"Nd u?"
Lady replied," Puspa Patel, Married.
----------------------------
It's true money cn't buy happiness, but I'd cheer up much faster while sitting poolside in a loungechair outsideof my Oceanfront mansion.
----------------------------
Maths questn:
.
'x' married 'z' twice his age,
left her &
now married 'y' 1/2 his age.
.
Wat's the age of 'x'?
.
Student wrote: I don't know the answer, but ' x ' is surely
SAIF ALI KHAN !!
----------------------------
1 car ki nilami ho rhi thi. Boli lagi ......
15 lakh
20 lakh
40 lakh
Husband: Is khataare à!me aisa kya hai?
Seller: Iske 23 accident hue hai, har bar sirf biwi mari hai.
Husband: 1crore........!!!!
----------------------------
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
----------------------------
Two children were waiting in the doctor's waiting room. The little girl started crying.
Little boy asked her: Why r u crying?
little girl: I'm here for blood test and the doctor is going to cut my finger.
The little boy started to cry.
Girl: Now why r u crying?
Boy: I'm here for the urine test.
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