Showing posts with label doctor jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor jokes. Show all posts

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Doctor Jokes







Khuda end docter ko kabhi naraj nahi karna chahiye,
Kyonki khuda naraj aadmi docter ke paas,
Docter naraj to aadmi khuda ke paas! 
Description: :D



Doctors After Operation and Students After Exam Both tell the Same Answer
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We Tried Our Best
Can’t Say Anything Right Now!




A man to doctor:
Is there any medicine for long life..?
Doctor: Get married..!!
Man: Will it help ?
Doctor: No, but it will avoid such thoughts!!



Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle
patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya
to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.



 At Indian railway station
an American doctor got heart attack
after reading a book’s name..



 How to become a Doctor in 30 days?
MRP Rs.20!!



Doctor: Kaise Aana Hua?
Santa: Doc Sab, Tabiyat Theek Nahi hai, Liver mein Pain ho raha hai
Doc: Daroo Peete ho??
Santa: Haan, Par Chhota Peg hi Banana.



 A man asked: Dr. banne mein kitna kharcha aata hai.
An Interesting answer from Medical Student:
Paisa to kam kharch hota hai,
Par JAWANI puri kharch ho jaati hai.



Dr: Jab aapko pata tha chipkali aapke
naak mein ja rahi hai to aapne roka kyub nahi?
Patient: Pehle cockroch gya tha,
maine socha use pakdne jaa rahi hogi..!!




 After a consult, the doctor says:
I’ve got good news Misses Darwin
Lady: Miss Darwin….
Doctor: Oh… Then I have bad news Miss Darwin.



Dr to Ash’s baby in hospital
Dr.: who is ur grandpa?
Baby: Big B
Dr.: Who is ur Mom?
Baby: Miss World
Dr.: who is ur father?
Baby: No idea sir jee



Dr: Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 sal bad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km door aa gaya hu.



Agar doctors film banate to unki filmo ke naam ye hote
- X-Ray Ho Na Ho
- Kaho Na Bukhar Hai
- Hum Blood De Chuke Sanam
- Mere Yaar Ka Operation Hai
- Kash Aap Hamare Patient Hote
- Main Dettol Ki Diwani Hon
- Hamara Thermometer Aap K Pass Hai
- Kabhi Drip Kabhi Injection
- Zakham To Hona Hi Tha




 Amma- Doctor shahab mera beta Bike se gir gaya,
Dr.- I don’t no hindi plz tell me in ENG.
Amma- My londa gironda from Hero-Honda,
broken haddi ker de patti


        Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
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       When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
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Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."





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Friday, 28 June 2013

Doctor Doctor !!





 Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money 
 * Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning

 Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door! 
 * Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is there no hope? 
 * It depends what you are hoping for

Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid 
* Nonsense man, you can stop anytime

Doctor doctor, I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me 
* Why not? 
   Well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine

Doctor doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye 
* Try taking the spoon out first

 Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep. 
* Oh that's very baaaaaaaad!

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains 
* Pull yourselves together man

Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses 
* You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell? 
* Hmm, take these and if it's not better soon, give me a ring!

Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar? 
* I find that very hard to believe!

 Doctor doctor, they've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers 
* Don't worry, what you have is not catching

Doctor doctor, people keep ignoring me . . . 
* Next please

Doctor doctor, I've got acute appendicitis 
• You've got a cute little dimple too

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live 
* Just wait a minute will you . . .

Doctor doctor, I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit... 
* You're crackers

Doctor, doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake 
* Sleep in another room then!

Doctor, doctor you've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! 
* Do you drink a lot? 
   Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, doctor my nose runs and my feet smell
* I fear you might have been built upside down

Doctor, doctor I've broken my arm in two places
* Hmm, I'd advise you not to go back to either of those places then

Doctor doctor you said i'd be dead in ten - ten what? years? months?
* 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...

Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Father Christmas
* You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia

Doctor doctor I keep seeing spots before my eyes
* Have you seen a doctor already?
   No, just spots

Doctor doctor I can't help it, I just keep thinking I'm a moth
* You need a psychiatrist not a doctor
    I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was on..

Doctor, Doctor - I've got amnesia
* Just go home and try to forget about it...

Doctor, Doctor - you have to help me out...
* Certainly. Which way did you come in?

Doctor, Doctor - Aaa, Eee, I, oooh! You...
* I think you may have irrtitable vowel syndrome..