Doctor Jokes 2

I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm paranoid"
He said, "not so loud, I'm sure the room's bugged!"


I asked my psychiatrist what had made him become a psychiatrist - he said it was the voices in his head!



A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, do you think I can live for another fifty years?"
Doctor: "Do you drink?"
Man: "No!"
Doctor: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "No!"
Doctor: "Do you visit whores?"
Man: "Certainly not!"
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live another fifty years?"



A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said"
Doctor: "When did you first notice this problem?"
Man: "What problem?"



I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I keep having this dream that I've turned into a pair of curtains". He said, "pull yourself together man!"



A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I think I'm spending too long on the computer, I'm starting to see spots in front of my eyes".
Doctor: "Have you seen an optician?"
Man: "No, just spots."



A woman went to see the doctor.
Doctor: "You are looking very weak and exhausted madam? Are you properly taking the four meals a day that I advised?"
Woman: "Oh my God, you said four meals? I thought you said four males!"



I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm paranoid"
He said, "not so loud, I'm sure the room's bugged!"



Maine ek Dr. se puchha…
“Bacche itne shararti kyu hote hai”
Fantastic jawab mila:-
Jo cheez banti hi shararat se hai wo sharif kaise ho sakti hai



"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."



Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

27.  A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."



A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."



The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."



"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."



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