Indian Jokes 2

God apun se bola, "KIDHAR JANE KA "
Jannat Ya Dozakh !
Apun boola " DOZAKH "
U know apun aisa q bola?
Bcoz apun ko maloom k tum sala dost log
wahin mile ga......!!!:-)

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

BROTHER: BAHN MERE DOST AYE HAI CHAI BANA DO
SISTER: NAHI ME NAHI BANA RAHI
BROTHER: BANA DE JAB TERE YAR AYENGE TAB ME BANA DOUNGA .

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Aik larki darzi ki dukan pa jati hai aur pochti hai, G yah galay miltay hain?Darzi:waisay galay miltay tou nahi hain laykin ap kahti hain tou mil laytay hain
Teacher:Name 5 polar Animals ?
student:Raindeer n his 3 brothers.......... n
a sister........
girl:aamir u will try to kiss me ,
mien shor macha don gi,
boy:likan yaha tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
girl:i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi .

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Daughter: Mom aaj Ek ladke ne mere gal pe kiss kiya. . . ....... Mom: Tune usko chata mara ya nahi. . . . . . Daughter: Mujhe achanak Gandhiji yaad agaye aur maine dusra gal agge kar diya........

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Master : kanjus kise kahte hai Student : jo 100 sms send karne par b reply nahi krte master : very good ek example batao student : aapki beti.
Ek machchar ek takle ke sar par ja kar baitha,uske baad-- 2nd machchar- Wah.. kya ghar dhunda hai! 1st machchar- Ghar kaha re,abhi to sirf plot kharida hai

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Suhagrat pe ladka wife ko sirf kiss kark so gaya. subah ma boli: beti mandir jaane se Pehle naha lo. Bahu gusse main. ma ji sirf brush karwa lo baki sab saaf hai

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Boy: i love u... Girl: sorry but I love sum1 else... Boy: ok your happiness matters me more than ur love... . . . . . . . . . . . . . Moral: moral voral kuch nahi jaha apni bezzati ho rahi ho waha acha dialogue maar ;

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Q: College Me Ladkiyon Ke Kitne Nam Hote Hai ? Ans:5 1.Meri Vali 2.Teri Vali 3.Teri Bhabhi 4.Meri Bhabhi Or Na Pate To 5.Kamini Saali.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Naukrani: Malkin Aap Udaas kyo hai...
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyar karte hain...
Naukrani: Nahii, Sahab Mujhe dhokha nahi de sakte

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin
colleague asked: Wat happened?
She replied: He asked me are U free tonight?
I said-yes & bastard give me 50 pages of work.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Premika: Main maa banne wali hoon,
Premi: Kya bakwas kar rahi ho..
Premika: Bakwas nahi, main tumhare papa se shaadi kar ke tumhari maa banne wali hoo.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

One day RAVAN went to disco... aur woh behosh ho gaya, due to shock.....!
why.....?? " Coz the entry fee was Rs. 1500 per HEAD...!!!

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

2 choohe paid pe baithe the,
neeche se 1 hathi guzra,
1 chooha hathi pe ja gira
dosra chooha bola - daba ke rakh saale ko me baata hu.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Indian Govt kahti hai ki
ek ladki padhai kar le to pariwar ke 4 logo ko shikshit krsakti hai.
.
.
.
pr ek ladki colge jaati hai to 40 ldke FAIL ho jate h.
uska kya??

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.
Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!
Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena
Medical science proved ki
Kapre tight pehnney se Blood Circulation ruk jati hai.
But
Larkiyon ke kapre jitne tight ho,
Larko ke blood circulation utni tez hoti hai!!
Height Of Embarrasment :
Man Sitting With his Wife in the Park
Another Lady Comes to his Wife and Says:
“Paise Pehly Le lena, ye admi Baad Mai Bahut Lafra Karta Hai.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

After legalizing gay’s relations in india
The question tailors are asking to male customers while stitching trousers…
“Sir, Zip aage lagau ya peeche?
On first night after marriage
Wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.
Husband : I thinK because this is your first night.
Wife : No, no.. Actually it is first time in night…
?
Madam to Student : Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy : Syllabus changed mam.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Son(On Phone) : Maa! aaj hum 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Mother : Sabbash Beta! Ladka hua ya ladki.
Son : Nahi maa! tumhari bahu ne dusri shaadi kar li.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

House owner: Rs 500 kiraya hoga.
Tanent: Thik hai. Lekin aapke ghar me chuhey nach rahe hai.
House owner: To saale 500 me kya Sheela nachegi?

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Why is Salman disturbed these days?
Usi girlfriend haath se nikal hai, aur bhabhi badnaam ho gayi hai…!
Sholey ki team ne IPL me part liya,Gabbar ke bowler ne 20 Over me 150 run diye aur extra me 200 run diye
Batao kyun?. . . . .. .. . .. . . .
Kyunki wicketkeepar thakur tha..:)
Wife : Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka nishan
kahan se aaya?
Husband : Mein khud paresaan hu nishan dekhkar.
Maine tu uss wakt shirt utari hui thi.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

1 boy on his way 2 home with his mom after school,
saw a couple kissing on the road…
He suddenly shouted and said look mom
they are fighting for CHEWING GUM.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

At bus stop a girl was standing
with her face covered. A man on bike stops
and says “Chalna hai kya?”
Girl replies : Papa mein hoon.

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Husband and Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom : He fought with me again,
I am coming to you.
Mom : No beta, he must pay for his mistake,
I am comming to stay with U!

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Golu: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.
Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Golu : Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de!!

                               --∞--∞--∞--∞--

3 larkiyon ko 10 Saal ki Saza mili....
tino ek hi Room mai 10 saal guzarnay k bad
Jab riha hokar ghar janay lagii to....
.
.
.
.
.
1 larki boli .....
chal thekk hai yaar baakii baten mobile per kartey hain.....

                                   

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Gujrati Jokes

Q: What do you call a gujju with no knees?
A: Knee-less ( Nilesh )

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mara maran par tame aansoo naa bahavsho,
Mara maran par dosto gam na karsho..
..Maari yad aave to sidha upar aavjo!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jivan maa JAS nathi,
Prem maa RAS nathi;
Dhandha maa KAS nathi,
Javu chhe swarg maa,
pan eni koi BUS nathi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tu hase chhe jyaare jyaare,
tyaare tyaare tara gaal ma khada padechhe.
Hu vicharun chhu betho betho
ke mara shivay aa khada ma ketla pade chhe!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

G - gentle
U - understanding
J - jolly
A - adorable
R - royal
A - aggresive
T - tough
I - intelligent

This much quality only 1 Indian people have:
Yes, its GUJARATIs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bolya kare a maitri,
chup rahe a prem.
milan karave a maitri,
judai satave a prem.
hasave a maitri,
radave a prem.
to pan loko maitri mukine kem kare chhe prem?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shu karu fariyaad tari,
Fariyaad ma yaad chhe
Fari fari ne aave yaad taari,
Ej mari fariyaad chhe!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gujrati Dictionary with Guju Accent:
Sunno...........Snow
Egg-josst.......Exhaust
Fotaa...........Photos
Liptik..........Lipstick
Phast..........Fast
Phalowur........Flower
Gilaas..........Glass
Palty/Partee..........Party
Gourment........Goverment
Peejaa..........Pizza
Punj.........Sponge
Die Vors........Divorce
New Brand......Brand New
Istill.........Steel
Bowel..........Bowl
Jee TV.........Zee TV
Yuniversity....University
Istawbury......Strawberry
Isscooter......Scooter
dismiss........Screwdriver
Kaale...........Tommorrow and Yesterday
Vija...........Visa
Dayal..........Dial
Dabloo..Dabloo...Dabloo.......WWW
Jiro...Jiro Won..........Zero...Zero One
Lattri................Lottery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did Gujjus think the man who acted as Gandhi in the film was a women?
Bcoz his name was 'Ben' Kingsley.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why does the Gujju go to London? 
to see his Big Ben. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when was offered tea? 
Bcoz the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it. (snacks) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is a Gujju picnic called? 
A snake in the grass. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the American get scared of the Gujju? 
Because he said 'Sue Kare chee.' 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did Bill Clinton have the Gujju beaten up? 
The Gujju told him, 'You are a very impotent man.' 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the Gujju go to Rome? 
To listen to Pop(e) music.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husband's new cellular phones....

First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota laura (motorola) che!....

Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....

So the third gujju wife steps up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen (Seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...

And then the fourth said.."Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya (Nokia) tho kya fayda??....

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

       Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers. Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.      After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft , Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was missing .
      The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai's knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
      Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied : "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
      Ramjibhai was downtown with his wife and four little children when he decided to take a Rickshaw home. Approaching a Rickshaw driver, he demanded, "How much will you charge to drive us to the Ghatkopar ?"      "I figure Rupees 2/- apiece for you and your wife," said the driver.
"I'll take the four kids along for nothing."
Ramjibhai turned to his children and said, "Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home.
Your Ba and I will take the train."

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Office Jokes

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

 A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work.

The Boss says: "when I am sick, I fuck my wife ... try that?"

Two hours later the Chinese man rings back and says: "Me better now you got a nice house!"

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"

He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"

He says, "Well, geez, I had to call the doctor!"

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

The boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!"

"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.

The boss replied, "Good, then you fire her!"

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

10. No-one ever steals your chair.

     9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
     8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
     7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
     6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
     5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
     4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
     3. It's an inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
     2. You can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

      And ... drum roll ... the Number One reason to go to work naked :

1. Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk
        
         10."They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
         9."This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time   management course you sent me to."
         8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time."
         7. "I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
         6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
         5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
         4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
         3. "The coffee machine is broken."
         2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
         1. " ... in God's name, Amen."

                           --∞--∞--∞--∞--

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."