Alok Nath Jokes

Full Form Of A-L-O-K is: A Lot Of Kanyadans

Aashiwaad:

Alok Nath and Sunny Leone :

Alok Nath's Sanskar :

The Nation Babuji :

ALOK NATH VERSION OF PARTY ALL NIGHT :

Aaj mandira khullan do Kanyadaan Hullan do nariyal ko fod faad ke dukh ashanti bhullan do… Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. Sunlo saari duniya walo jitna bhi tum jor lagalo karenge aarti saari raat hath me dum hai to ghanti bajalo.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. Sunlo saari duniya walo jitna bhi tum jor lagalo karenge aarti saari raat hath me dum hai to ghanti bajalo.. Aaj mandira khullan do Kanyadaan Hullan do nariyal ko fod faad ke dukh ashanti bhullan do… Bajate Raho..Ghantiiiii Bajate Raho…Ghantiiii bajate raho….ghnatiii bajate rahooo Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. [x2] Jisne Bhi aarti hai karni aajao mandir ke bheetar Nariyal fool lekar khane ko laga hai langar… Sadda gudgaon delhi ki betiyaan aayi hai sath me bhole ki CDiyaan bhi laayi hai Pujari Prasad ke khud jimedaar hai karlo aarti saari raat Kal itwar hai.. Ghanti Bajegi Loud To beti Police bula legi Us beti se jaake kehdo Ye aarti Yun hi chalegi Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi Fir bhi aarti Yun hi chalegi aarti Yun hi chalegi aarti Yun hi chalegi aarti Yun hi chalegi Party-All-Night-based-aarti-all-night-Song-Lyrics Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. Khulla mandir Guru Dwara har beti bole ghar nahi jana Babuji ko tu karde msg aaja beti karke bahana Aarti Hori bahot bhayankar Aarti ke gajab najare Jee karta hai bas ek baar hi Kardu mai Kanyadan tumhare.. Ek kunwari beti ne yun ghnati baja rahi hai ek hath se baj nahi rahi,do do baja rahi hai Naache dekho kaisi…Mehfil macha rakhi hai Itti si tu hai nahi..hein? Sanskaar bhula rahi hai… Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi Fir bhi aarti Yun hi chalegi aarti Yun hi chalegi aarti Yun hi chalegi aarti Yun hi chalegi

Indian Politician Jokes

Ram ne Ravan ko maara (R=R)
Krishna ne Kansa ko (K=K)
Godse ne Gandhi ko (G=G)
Obama ne Osama ko (O=O)
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Corruption maarega Congress ko (C= C)

Warning:
Agar aap mujhe bhule to upar wala aapko
lalu ki akal,
mayawati ki shakl,
mulayam ki jawani,
kalaam ke baal aur
atal ki chal de..
Ab bhula k dekho.

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Teacher: Wo kaunsi raat hai jo agar na hoti to aaj hindustan khush haal hota.?
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Student: Sir sharad pawar ki maa ki suhagraat.

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Obama: Tujhe swiming aati hai.
Lalu: Na
Obama: Tere se to kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Lalu: Tumko aata hai
Obama: Yes
Lalu: Sasura fir tohre mein aur Kutta mein farak ka hai.

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Now Rekha also has been nominated to Rajya Sabha
Means it makes a full Nirma detergent
team :
Hema, Rekha, Jaya aur Sushma.
Sabki pasand nirma.

Dear Deepika..
U went to Yuvraj, his form dropped.
U went to Ranbir, his movie flopped.
U went to Mallyas, their airline stopped.
Plz join Congress.. & Save India.

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

*Today’s Truth*
Apne INDIA ka kuch nahi ho sakta..
Yaaro
Kyun ki yaha..
Budhhe DESH chala rahe hai..
aur
Jawan Facebook!!

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Santa Newspaper padh raha tha.
Banta: Koi Nayi khabar hai kya?
Santa: Ye kya U.P. ko 4 hisso mein kar diya jayega.
Banta: Jis Ghar mein Aurat ki chlti hai yahi hota hai.

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Ek Aadmi ne Fish pakdi
ghar aaya to dekha
Na Gas
Na Aata
Na Bijli
Na Oil
admi vapas Fish ko nadi me fek aaya.
Fish chillai Congress PARTI zindabad zindabad..!

Teacher: Ye koun sa TENSE hai?
India mein Corruption khatam ho Jayega..!!
Student: Future IMPOSSIBLE Tense..!!

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

This message is for adults only..
Plz read only if you are above 18…
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Elections are coming
Plz VOTE…!!

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Sonia ji 1 school visit karne gayi 1 class mein a kar boli bachcho koi sawal puchna hai to pucho.
Pappu bola mere 3 sawal hai:
1) Aap khud prime minister Q nahi bani
2) Ramleela maidan me police kisne bheji
3) Apka kitna paisa Swiss bank mein hai.
Isse pehle ki Sonia ji jawab deti half time ke bell ho gayi.
After half time
Bablu khadha hokar bola Mam mere 5 sawal hai..
3 to Pappu wale hai
4) Half time ki bell 20min phle kaise baji?
aur akhiri sawal?
Q5) Pappu kaha hai?

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

1 gaon me Rahul Gandhi ko 1 bache ne kaha:
Sirji 14 mahino se yaha school me teacher nahi he.
Rahul- To school kaise chal raha he?
Bacha- Jaise desh chal raha hai!

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor
and campaign funds from the rich,
by promising to protect each from the other.

                                                           ---------------()-----------------

Kapil Sharma : Babaji Ka Thullu

• Aam Aadmi Mehnat Se Paise Kamata Hai.
Tax Pay Karta Hai.
Vote Karta Hai Usko Kya Milta Hai?
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Aap 5 Inch Ka Phone Lete Hai.
sochte Hai Ladki Pat Jayegi Phone Dekhkar.
Aapko Kya Milta Hai?
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Baccha Engineering College Join Karta Hai.
Sochta Hai Ki Voh Mazze Karega.
Ladkiya Patayega.
Usse Kya Milta Hai?
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Aap Fb Pe Kisi Ladki Ke Comment Ke Neeche Likhte Hai,
"Add Me I'm Blocked" Aur Sochte Hai
Ki Ladki Aap Add Karegi.
Aapko Kya Milta Hai?
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Bbm Chalane Ke Liye Blackberry Khareedne Walo
Tumhe Kya Mila?
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Ca Mein Agar Aap Paper Revaluation Ke Liye Dete Hai.
To Aapko Kya Milega?
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Puri Zindagi Padhai Karte Hain.
Bt Hum Se Zyada To Anpad Minister Hi Kamate Hain.
To Hum Sab Ko Kya Mila.
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Ladki Ko Dil Se Pyar Kro.
Din Rat Uske Bina Marne Jaisi Halat Me Raho.
Badle Me Aapko Kya Milega????
BABAJI KA THULLU....!!!!

• Ye Padh K Kya Mila Tumhe, Baba Ji Ka Thullu.....;)

Boyfriend Girlfriend Jokes

Shut Up

Boy:I Love You
Girl:Shut Up You
Girl:Shut Up
Boy: I Can't Live Without You
Girl:Shut Up
Boy:I Will Marry You
Girl:Really?
Boy:Shut Up









Girl\'s Lucky Boy

A Girl To Her Friend: I Know Two Guys And I Like Both,
                      Tell Me Who Will Be The Lucky Guy?
              Friend: Whoever You Get Married,other Guy Will Be Lucky.



A Faithful Boyfriend...

Girlfriend : You Know My Mom Likes You A Lot.
Boyfriend : Whatever Sweetheart , Don't Worry I Will Marry With You Only.



Bohot Sarmili Larki...

Mammy :Beti Kaha Gai Thi?
Beti : Mamma Mere Classmate Nitin Se Milne.
Mammy : Kis Liye?
Beti : Aap Bhi Na Mamma , main Kaise Leti Mujhe Saram Aati Hai.



Why Girls Are So Beautiful And Pretty...

First Friend : Why Are Girls Are So Much Beautiful And Pretty?
Second Friend : So We Can Fall In Love With Them.
First Friend : Then Why They Don't Have Intelligence?
Second Friend : It's Because They Can Fall In Love With Us.

Joke

EK Ladka Exam Mei Fail Hua
Papa: Dekh Dekh Uss Ladki Ko Dekh, Wo Tere Saath Padhi 1st Ayi Hai.
Ladka: Kya Dekh -dekh! Usi Ko Dekh Dekh K Toh Fail Hua Hun ,,,











National Permit For Romance

Boy: Friendship Karogi?
Girl: Mere Parents Allow Nahi Karte.
Boy: Bol Too Asie Rahi Ho Jaise Mere Parents Ne Mujhe National Permit Diya Hua Hai.








Boyfriend: "Hey babe, you smell that?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Me neither, start cooking."

Girl: asshole...
Boy: I've been called worse before.
Girl: Ha, like what?
Boy: you're boyfriend.


Flowers

A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
And her boyfriend asks "Why, don't you have a vase?"


Kissing your boyfriend on the cheek(good) kissing your boyfriend in the mouth (awesome) Kissing your boyfriend in front

of his ex (boss).


Snake Venom

One day a happy couple Jay and Marie were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay’s leg and bit

his dick. Since no one was around for miles Marie called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick Quick I need your help my

boyfriend got bit by a snake on his penis" The doctor told her "Maam your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself"

Marie asked "Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom" The doctor says "Sorry theres nothing we

can do" So Marie goes running to her boyfriend When she gets there Jay says with pain "So what did the doctor say?" Marie

says "Doctor said your gonna die"


Rich & Poor

A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends. "What are you getting your

girlfriend?" asks the poor man. And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes." "Why both?" asks

the poor man. And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Marcedes when she

returns the ring." And then the rich man asks the poor man "What are you getting your girlfriend?" And the poor man says

"I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."


Boyfriend: Amazing world, only 25% boys have common sense, very short figure!
Girlfriend: What about Rest?
Boyfriend: Well rest have GIRLFRIENDS!



Girlfriend: Wanna see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure, babe.
Girlfriend: BAM! You're single.

Boyfriend : I want to kiss you . . !
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Girlfriend : Nahi , m pregnant ho jaungi..
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Boyfriend : Kiss se pregnant????
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girlfriend : Kyon ki jab m ek bar shuru ho jati
hu toh mei apne aap ki bhi nhi sunti ...
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Bhagwan aisi gf har kisi ko de

WHATS APP CHAT

Boy: Hello Babe.... (11:45pm)
Girl: (last seen at 11:46pm)

Boy: Hey please answer me :) ( 11:50pm)
Girl: (last seen at 11:52pm)

Boy: But why do you treat me like that??
Why don't you answer me? (12:00am)
Girl: (last seen at 12:00am)

Boy: Ok good night dear,
i just wanted to tell you that 2dy I have received my salary
worth Rs.50,000 and i
have reserved Rs.20,000 for ur shopping....but l thin

Girl: ohh hi dea...😘
Actly mum was der dts y I cudn reply...
N wow darling dts a gr8 nwz....
I love you a lot..
N when shall we go ? (12:05am)
Boy: (last seen 12:06am)

Girl: Baby please answer me na...
dear i was off last time, lmme knw na wen shall we go?(12:08am)
Boy: (last seen 12:09am)

Girl: I think ur lukin vry tired cz off wrkn load..
So nw u go to bad n slp well hooney,tk cr, (12:10am)
Boy: (last seen 12:12am)
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Girl: sry to disturb u but 1n think I frgot dat
tomorrow we will go for shopping okay love yu baby.......😘😘😘 (12:20am)

Boy: (last seen 12:25am)



3 boys proposed a girl
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CHULBUL:" Mai tumhare liye apni jaan de sakta hu
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Girl:" Wo to sab kehte hain
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ROWDY:" Mai tumhare liye chand taare tod kar la sakta hu
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Girl:" Purana dialogue hai
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PAPPU :" Main tumhari ACTIVA me Roz 1 ltr Petrol dalwaunga
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Girl:" Ankho me ansu k sath Pagal itna chahta hai mujhe !!!!!

Indian Jokes

Name different type of cheese.. Banta: White, Cottage, mozarella bekhudi...

Santa: Wait a min... what is bekhudi...
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Banta: hoshwalon ko khabar kya, bekhudi kya cheese hai...

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

 Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, RAJINIKANTH lives in the South and no one has guts to point at him!!! lolz

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Wife: Jaanu batao tum mujhse kitna pyar karte ho?
Husband: bohat zyada
Wife: phir bhi kitna?
Husband: itna ke dil chah raha hai ke tumhari jaisi ek aur le aaun..
                               
                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Wife : Tum Saari Dunya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi..
Husband: Tum Kya SamjhTi Ho.. Mein Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon Ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Boy: hey i bought a new iphone 5
Girl: wow..... Konsi company ka???
Boy(gusse se): ja behen tu ghar ja, reebok ka laya hu...
lolz

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Husband- Agar mujhe lottery lagi to tum kya krogi...?
Wife- Aadhe paise le kar Hamesha ke liye mayke chali jaungi...
Husband- 100/- ki lagi hai..ye le 50 aur nikal..
🙈:D Hahaha

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Who are MEN ? 

Woh jo narak me bhi mile to kahe ....abe !! Yamraj ki beti dekhi ?? Aag hai Aag !!
And
who are Women ??
Who go to heaven & say " apsara dekh...no dressing sense at all!!!! lolz Hahaha

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--
Phone to iPhone Ya Blackberry hona chahiye
S2 S3 aur S4 to Train Ke Dabbe Bhi hote hai !
- Ladkiyan foreigner honi chahiye
Local to Mumbai ki Trains bhi hai !
- Relationship me Trust aur Pyaar hona chahiye Loyal toh Kutte bhi hote hai !
- Girlfriend Passionate honi chahiye...
Caring to Nurse bhi hai !

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

1.     A very sad Chinese Love story:

朣楢琴执㝧执瑩浻牡楧㩮㔱硰执㝧执獧浻牡楧敬瑦瀰絸朣杢㑳执獧扻捡杫潲湵潣潬㩲昣昸昸㬸慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧敷止瑩札慲楤湥楬敮牡氬晥⁴潴敬瑦戠瑯潴牦浯㡦㡦㡦潴捥捥捥戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥眭扥楫楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥洭穯氭湩慥牧摡敩瑮琨灯㡦㡦㡦捥捥捥㬩慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧獭氭湩慥牧摡敩瑮琨灯㡦㡦㡦捥捥捥㬩慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散汩整㩲牰杯摩䐺䥘慭敧牔湡晳牯楍牣獯景牧摡敩瑮猨慴瑲潃潬卲牴昣昸昸䔬摮潃潬卲牴攣散散㬩潢摲牥硰猠汯摩⌠㙣㙣㙣搻獩汰祡戺潬正潭潢摲牥爭摡畩㩳瀲㭸漭戭牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰敷止瑩戭牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰戻牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰执獧搴摻獩汰祡戺潬正瀻獯瑩潩㩮敲慬楴敶执獧搴筮楤灳慬㩹湩楬敮戭潬正漻敶晲潬

meri to aakhen hi bhar aai...
Specially when she said: 汦睯
? lolz lolz he he he

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Letter to love guru
''My strange love story.... I m in love with a boy who is far away from me.... I m in india and he is in uk. We met on a marriage website. Became friend on fb... Had long chats on whatsapp.... Proposed each other on skype... N now viber is there..... N today we 2 month of our relation.... I need ur blessings and good wish......''

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Love guru - Now get married on Twitter and send hm ur kids through yahoo messenger or else u can buy your kids from flipkart
If you fed up of your kids later toh OLX pe bech de he he he

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--
India is a place where...
Anyone driving faster than you is "Saala yeh pakka marega"
Anyone driving slower than you is " Saala garden mein chala raha hai" !!
And anyone Driving Parallel to you is -"Apne Baap se Race Lagayega tu ..." Hahaha 

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Sardar got an sms from his
Girlfriend written as "I Miss You".
Sardar ne apna dimag laga ke 2 ghante baad reply bheja "I Mr.You".

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Sardar ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha:- Aapne pehchana mujhe ko.
Ladki:- Nahi aap koun ho..?
Sardar:- Main wahi hu jisko aapne
parso bhi nahi pehchana tha.

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Sardar math ke paper me dance kar raha tha.
Kisi ne pocha ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Yaar mere sir ne kaha tha ke her step ke no. hote h.

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Once in a soap industry in Japan,
The soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it
i.e empty box.
To avoid the problem in the future they purchased X-Ray machine of 60 thousand dollars to check whether soap is Packed in every cover or not in assembly line.
Same problem occurred in ulhasnagar
What did they do?
They simply put a fan beside d assembly line. Empty boxes were flown away! Jai ho Sindhi Dimaag ki. Lolz lolz

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Sweet Ans. by Child in School Interviewer:

Teacher: What is your mother’s name?
Kid: Kabhi naam nahi puchha,
Bas..
pyar se MAA kehta hu


                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Nursery ke student ne Exam sheet pe SUSU kar Diya.
Teacher: Ye kya kiya hai?
Student: Mummy ne kaha tha ki Pehle jo aa raha ho wahi karna

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

If Columbus had a GF, he might hav never discovered America cz...
GF: Whr r u goin? Wid whom?Hw r u gng?To discover wat?Y only u?Wat shud I do wen u r gone?Can i cum wid u? Wen wil u b bck? Whr wil u stay?U'll miss me na?
COLUMBUS: Le meri maa, nahi jata!

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Dedicated to married ppl-

Dost:Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?
Santa:Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.
Dost:Kya Boli?
Santa:Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Maarungi.. Lolz he he he

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Police Constable To Son :
"Stupid, Why Did U Get Very Low Marks in All Subjects?
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Son: "Keep This 50 Rupees & Close This Matter.!! 

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--
Husband ko Market Jaate hue
Wife ne paise dekar kaha: Kuchh Aisi Cheez Laana jis se main SUNDAR Dikhu.
Husband khud k Liye Whisky ki 2 Bottle Le Aaya.. 

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

1.     Teacher - Homework Kita ?
Santa - Hanji, Kita !
Teacher - Fill In The Blank
900 Chuhe Kha Ke Bili____Chali
Santa - 900 Chuhe Kha Ke Billi Holi Holi Chali
Teacher - Oye Murkha Tenu Pata Nahi Ehda Ki Jawaab Hai.
Santa - Tuhada Lehaaj Rakhya Hai, Tussi Mere Master Ho..
Nahi ta 900 Chuhe Kha Ke Ta Billi Hil V Nahi Sakdi, Main Ta Fer Vi Holi Holi Turaa Diti:O Omg.. Haste haste pet dard ho gaya. 

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn`t come back yet!
Santa: Why don`t u cook something else.

                                  --∞--∞--∞--∞--

Devdas says to paro:aik sham mera naam ker do.
Paro : ja ja main kahan or tu kahan.
Devdas:itna garoor tu CHAND ko bhi nahin hai.
Paro:kase hota CHAND per dagh jo hain.
Devdas called his son(CHAND):Tu aaj phir nahi naheya...

Mukesh sais to Anil Ambani:"I wnt to kiss ur wife". Anil replied: "Ok but 40paisa per min" anil wife shouted "don’t cheat him. Reliance to reliance free